Commitment -- Revisited

No seminarian was in sight because everyone had rushed home for a long week-end in celebration of the fiesta of Sts. Peter and Paul. As I walked around the empty corridors of the seminary, I was just inspired to reflect and revisit my commitment to the seminary as I took over as Rector more than 2 years ago. I browsed through my computer and I came across my speech during my installation as Rector. I was also inspired to publish part of that speech entitled, "I Am An Earthen Vessel".

Here it is:

These were just some of the texts messages I received from my friends after I informed them of my appointment as the new acting Rector of the Our Lady of Peñafrancia Seminary – Minor Department.

Yo! And from now on, you carry the burden of the Church on your shoulders… Forward son of San Jose!... I’m happy for you. God bless you sano. Let God make use of you to form our young people! Go sano. ... Very good. Nakita na an gift of formation mo. Pirmi ka kasabay sa prayers ko. Payta men, naniniwala kami sa kakayahan mo. ... Hurrah! Sige Migs. I’m happy for you. Rest assured of my special intentions for you. Best wishes! ... Wow! Bigatin… ka-level si Huang at Tagle… Be always grounded as you form the young men in your care… ... No probs igso. Buhe! ... Congrats, best wishes and prayers on your new ministry! You’ll be great, I’m sure, as you blend kindness and firmness, as you try to be a father to the young men in your care. Please let me know how we can be of help and support. God bless! In opus ministerii! AMDG! ... May you find strength and inspiration in the loving ways of the Lord.

Just as I received varied text messages, I had mixed feelings too. But the most dominant feeling was that of anxiety. I knew I had to bring this “event” to prayer and the prayer of Thomas Merton consoled me. I repeatedly prayed these words:

“My Lord God, I have no idea where I am going. I do not see the road ahead of me. I cannot know for certain where it will end. Nor do I really know myself, and the fact that I think I am following your will does not mean that I am actually doing so. But I believe that the desire to please you does, in fact, please you. And I hope I have that desire in all that I am doing. I hope I will never do anything apart from that desire. And I know that if I do this you will lead me by the right road, though I may know nothing about it. Therefore, I will trust you always though I may seem to be lost and in the shadow of death. I will not fear, for you are ever with me, and you will never leave me to face my perils alone. Amen”

After much discernment, I decided to accept the appointment. My primary motivation for the acceptance of the appointment was just to follow God’s will. With fingers-crossed, I think the Board of Consultors considered conscientiously whom to recommend to the Bishop; and I hope the Bishop reflected upon the recommendation and acted confidently enough to risk on me.

Imperfect though I am, I believe that I was commissioned to a ministry – ministry of forming young people become leaders of the church of the future. Though I may sound so pious, my job description is, first of all, to become a pastor. I am a priest-pastor before I am an administrator, and/or a Prefect-of-Discipline. And as I prayed, I desire to follow always God’s will whatever the cost.

As far as I know myself, one of the things I have to watch out for is my tendency of having what I call “ministry of the minimum” – just performing the requirements which I consider bordering to irresponsibility. Hopefully, all of you will help me outgrow this. One of the best pieces of advice I got was from a fellow formator. “Just be yourself” – these are his very words when I asked him how to be a good formator. And I intend to be just myself, and try to avoid pretenses for I cannot deny that I am an earthen vessel.

These are my guiding principles as I assume the rectorship. First, best intentions are not enough. Best intentions will mean nothing unless coupled with good, right and decisive actions. Bear this in mind, if there comes a time when I will be rigid and strict on implementing the rules and regulations, know that it is because I am rigid and strict on following them myself. I wish to lead by example. Second, best intentions conveyed poorly can make a very big difference. I may have the best of intentions but if the manner of expressing them border to “foul” ways then I will be ineffective. actions.

I know also that I am not alone. We are all formators here. We are a team and so we should work as a team. Even in times when my performance will not be at par with your expectations and your actions may not be at par to mine, we do not cease to be part of the team. And so we should not stop on listening to each other. Lastly, I must always remember that what I am doing is God’s work. May the Holy Spirit be my lead nunc et semper. (End)

There were times when I almost gave up but I persevered not because of my strengths but simply because of God's guidance. I always viewed my presence here (still) as Divine providence. And as I begin another formation year as Rector, I will rely once again on God's love and mercy. Hopefully, all my teammates (partners-in-formation) will be the concrete signs and manifestations of that love and mercy of God.